___기/__神

~~Wednesday, September 14, 2011~~

10:59 PM

Will It Come True?

Just like the leaves do not know when it will grow and fall to the ground, I also don't know about anything will happen 1 second after this. All is blur and not clear. Then my question is will it come true? Something which I always have and I survive to live on is always appears in myself. Something which I can life happily in this world, something which I feel it always waits for me to touch it and to hold it tightly. Will it become true? Looking back at the past, there are many terrible things happened and made me down, confused, and wanted to suicide. The fact which made me lost my direction and my control made me crazy and couldn't think anymore. Then, I see a hope, a very slight hope that for all I want to, for all I really need and care on will come to me. Although it is very slight but it means to me that I still can catch on. People may consider me as a very lucky person of having good intelligence or something else like that, but if you come to me, you can't or won't imagine how hard it is to be myself.

Sometimes, I give up a hope and I down, suffer, and lose of my mind. It is always happens to me until now. Then, I suddenly realize what I want to be is not what God wants me to be. Not all in this life, I can reach easily. Not all of them, I can rely on others. All depends on me, not I depend on all. Change my life can change the 1 second chance to reach it. What I dream on is far away from me, but I am sure I can! I believe I can and when I hold it, I won't let anyone to grab it and make it far away from me.

Thank to everyone who has made me hold my control and who always cares me.

Cassiopeia ジェジュン ~黄愛美~

~~Sunday, September 11, 2011~~

9:36 PM

Anthony Widjaja

Mommy

Malaysia Truly Asia

Last week, I went to Malaysia, a country near Indonesia with my brother and my mom. Thank God I could go together with all my family. Well, frankly saying, I did not have any expectation about Malaysia as I do not really like Malaysia, but then, yeah, come back to God, I really owe thank to God. Yeah, the journey was so fun as I took a foreign flight, KLM, Royal Dutch Airline, a member of Sky Team. Yuhuy! I will meet so many White People and Foreigners! Yeah, just as like my last Christmas holiday in Thailand and in Singapore which I took Singapore Airlines as my flight Wow! Amazing! The Royal Dutch Airline is so big! In one row, there are 10 seats, one more seat than Singapore Airlines, but it is okay! As far as I can meet foreigners! Hahaha.... It is my pleasure to meet those foreigners!!! Okay, I will tell about my journey to Malaysia.

On the first day, I went to Malaysia at 7 p.m (local time Indonesia) and then arrived in Kuala Lumpur International Airport (KLIA) at 9.30 p.m. (local time Malaysia). Frankly saying, the journey made me tired! You know why cause the flight was on evening! Huff!!! And after that, I had to queue to take the allowance to enter Malaysia. Hahaha..... But then suddenly I had much energy... Hahaha cause there were many Koreans there, yeah not the old man, just boys and girls, but it is okay... Haha... At that time, I wish to see my lovely idol, Hero, but then, yeah, he might be in Japan. Hahaha... So silly ya? Truly saying, there were many White People who were backpackers. Hua.... I can't wait for my cousin invites me to go abroad with backpack! Hahaha.... I hope I will not be sick! Hahaha.... Minutes by minutes, I finally arrived in the officers. I noticed that the officers mostly are Indians. Well, it is common in Malaysia to see Indians there, but for me, it was the first time to see many Indians in the same area with me. And then, I went to Genting Highlands. Genting Highlands was much like Batu; Malang , or Bandung in West Java. Genting Highlands is so cold. I got my nose couldn't breathe normally and my skin was so pale. My skin is too sensitive for cold and hot so I confuse whether to live in a cold country like Korea maybe *_* or a hot country like Indonesia. Huff... So confused.

Okay, I will continue next week!

See ya!

Labels: Malaysia

Cassiopeia ジェジュン ~黄愛美~

~~Thursday, September 23, 2010~~

10:24 PM

Today, I went to House of Sampoerna in Surabaya.
It was the first time for me going there.
I went there with my friends, my campus friends. My friends were 9 people, 10 including me. We went there by Maria Emery's car. Some of my friends have been there before.
The road was not crowded. After arriving at the House of Sampoerna, I was fascinated with the house design. Wow, it was fantastic. The design of the building reminds me to the old age where Indonesia was still being colonized by the Dutch. Well, the building is similar with the building designed by the Dutch.

Well, this reminds me about my family. It was said that mommy's grandfather came from Holland. Mommy learned Dutch when she was still young but because Mommy's mother is Chinese so then the Chinese culture influenced her life so much. Then, I saw many Dutch words and sentences on the wall of the building. Hm.. It makes me wanna learn Dutch!!! Hahaha... I think it's OK if I can speak two foreign languages. I am studying English now but actually deep in my heart, I wanna have the ability to speak 5 foreign languages. Well, it seems that I am the unusual person but I really wanna do it!! Other things that I wanna have is I wanna be a good housewife for my children and for my husband. Hm.. Like my mother did!!

Now, I am thinking about having a skill for cooking.
Hahaha...
Although I am a girl but the days before, I used to be a tomboy girl. You know, I didn't want to wear girl's clothes but now, I am in the process of adapting girl's clothes to my body.
Hahaha...
It seem a little unusual, right?
Now, I am on my diet!!

OH MY GOD!!
I've gained 6 kgs during one month!! It's because of my friend, Ina Aprillia!!!
Hehehe...
She gave me 'bakpau' almost every night!!!

Ina!!!! You have to be responsible over my weight!!!!!!!

Hahaha...

Other dreams?
Hm... I wanna have a scholarship to abroad!!
That's my dream since I was a child!!!
The destination countries are:
1. Japan.
2. United States of America.
3. Australia.
4. China.
5. Holland.

I WANNA LIVE IN A 4 SEASONS COUNTRY!!!!!

Cassiopeia ジェジュン ~黄愛美~

~~Sunday, July 11, 2010~~

2:48 PM

Where are you when I need you?
Where are you when I am confused?
Where are you when I am sad and I don't have anything to cry on?
Where are you??????

I am looking for you..
I am shouting...
I am crying....

But...

I can't find you....

I can't find you anywhere...

I can't find you in deep of my heart....

Where are you , my dear?

Where are you actually?

Is this me?

Is it me?

Me?

The person who is always fulled of happiness....
The person who is always something to talk....
The person who is always fulled of creativity...
The person who don't need sadness...
All sadness gone....
Happiness comes...

Who is he?
Why does he make you be like that?
Who is he actually?
Why did he drive you crazy????

Cassiopeia ジェジュン ~黄愛美~

~~Tuesday, June 01, 2010~~

10:43 PM

June 1st, 2010.

It's 09.30 p.m here in Indonesia.

hm..
not too night..
well..
why do I still in front of my laptop?
I don't know why..

I am browsing at facebook..
I see my friend's photo..
She is my friend when I was in junior high school..
How lucky she is..
She is in Australia now..
Hm...
let me take a breathe..

I wanna go to abroad..
Why?
I love this world..
Peace and Quiet..
No wars..

I don't know..
When will I go there?
in the next two years?
Three years?
I don't know why..

Well.. i remembered about a scholarship going to America..
Can I go there?
Can I God?
Am I capable to live there and survive there?
It's one of my dream about going there...

Well, my favourite country is Japan..
I know it..
I really know it and think about it deeply..
but if I could get the chance to go to America or Australia or England, why didn't I take it?
Why not?

but the matter is about the time..
when?
When can I go there?
Alone or not?

I don't know..
I really don't know..

God can answer it but He doesn't give me the answer....

Cassiopeia ジェジュン ~黄愛美~

5:44 PM

Run Devil Run...
By GiRLs' GenerATion....

Although they are a copycat, but their vocals are so awesome...
You Better Run Run Run...

Taeyon is so beautiful at this music video...
Her vocal is also awesome...
whoaa.....
it makes me become her fans...
SHOSHIDAE....
WAIT FOR ME...
ahaha...

I am sorry Cassiopeia, I don't want to insult you, but I am falling in love with GirLS' GeneRaTiON Now...
hehehe....

I AM STILL CASSIOPEIA!!!!!!!!!!

Cassiopeia ジェジュン ~黄愛美~

5:23 PM

Today, June 1st, 2010.

Has everything gone from my life?
Has everyone left me alone and ignored me?
Should I take this very bad chance?
Should I still live with this bad condition?
Very worse...
No.. Very Worst...

Today, I don't know why one of my friends looked at me in strange sight.
You know?
She's one of my best friend here..
She doesn't say anything to me..
I asked her why but she just said nothing.
What's wrong with you?
I didn't find the answer.
I looked everywhere but it didn't result something..
Well..
I am tired of this world..
When I was needed, everyone searched for me from morning till night..
late night is also possible.

BUT...

When I needed them, they weren't anywhere to find..

God..
Is this the way that you give to me?

What's wrong with me?
Hm.... Let me tell you..
It's a taboo words you know?
it means that you make your friend that you are worrying to be the suspected..
you know what i mean, right?
well...
it's a kind of disgusting and useless...
you know the word useless right?

when friends are there for you, why don't you make them stay with you forever?
why don't you make them feel comfort with you?
you understand what i mean right?

there's a possible moment when you need them and you are needed by them...
so why do you make fire between you and them?
why?

doesn't it enough to insult me?

Cassiopeia ジェジュン ~黄愛美~

~~Saturday, April 10, 2010~~

11:50 AM

時ヲ止メテ

Today is Saturday 10th.
I don't know I should do.
I feel shocked.
I can't think anything.
I can't speak anything.
My heart is hurt.
I feel sad.
I feel that the world has gone.
Far away...
to the world that is very unusual for me..

Why I should be like this?
Why?
I still have the hope..
Hope that lasts forever.
The Best hope for them..
Them?
who are they?
Who are they actually?
Why?
Why do they make me like this?
Why do they change me like this?
Do you want to know why?
It's because I love them.
It's because I really - really love them.
I love them very much.
but...
They have made their own decision
They have made their 'best decision' for them.
For them?
Good for them but not for me.
Why?
They have decided to go.
They have decided not to be together again..
Toki Wo Tomete...
I thought that they wouldn't be separated.
I thought that they would be together again..
I thought that they would forget that problem.
I thought that i could see them again..
Together..
Five...

but i am wrong..
I AM WRONG..

They have decided not to be together in undefinite time.
They have decided to continue their own career alone..
without the others.
They have decided it..
so..
what should i do?
I CAN'T THINK!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Cassiopeia ジェジュン ~黄愛美~

~~Tuesday, March 23, 2010~~

2:34 AM

TONIGHT

Hari ini adalah hari Selasa, tepatnya Senin malam.
Hari ini aku merasa sedih sekali...
aku sudah keliru menyangka Tuhan.
aku sudah salah paham dengan Tuhan.
ternyata Tuhan itu baik banget ama aku.
ternyata ini adalah jawaban yang diberikan Tuhan kepadaku atas kejadian itu.
ternyata Tuhan ingin melindungiku.
Tuhan ga ingin aku celaka lebih dalam.
Tuhan ga ingin melihat aku terjerumus ke dalam penderitaan.
Terima kasih ya Tuhan.
sekarang aku tahu jawabanMu Tuhan.
aku tahu kalau Kau ingin melindungiku.
Terima kasih ya Tuhan.
kini aku sadar Tuhan bahwa aku memang salah.
aku salah dari awal.
aku pikir hidupku akan baik - baik saja jika aku mengambilnya.
aku pikir hidupku akan lebih maju.
ternyata..
kini aku sadar Tuhan bahwa Nobody is Perfect.
aku sadar Tuhan bahwa negara yang kubangga- banggakan ternyata seperti itu Tuhan.
aku sadar Tuhan...
aku sadar..
aku sadar bahwa orang yang aku kira adalah orang terbaik dalam hidupku ternyata dia malah seperti itu di luar sana...

Tuhan.. aku ga bisa bayangkan kalau seandainya aku benar - benar masuk ke sana..
kalau seandainya aku benar - benar menekuni bidang itu...

tapi Tuhan, hatiku sakit...
hatiku sakit jika mengingat kecintaanku padanya..
hatiku sakit jika aku melihat mereka menyanyikannya.
hatiku sakit jika aku melihat orang yang lebih dari aku. lebih menguasainya.
hatiku sakit Tuhan.
bagaimanapun juga, aku sudah terlanjur mencintainya.
aku sudah terlanjur menyukainya..
aku tahu Tuhan.
aku tahu siapa diriku.
aku Chinese Tuhan.
aku tahu bagaimana kehidupan bangsaku.
aku tahu bagaimana reaksi keluargaku terhadapnya...
tapi Tuhan..
aku sudah terlanjur..
terlanjur jatuh ke dalam lubang itu..

hatiku sakit Tuhan bila mengingat kejadian itu..
sakit... sampai rasanya aku ga bisa bernafas...
ini bukanlah pilihanku Tuhan.
hidup ini bukanlah pilihanku...
tapi Tuhan...
Engkau pasti punya rencana yang indah di sana...
di tempat yang tidak dapat aku ketahui...
Oh Tuhan..
aku serahkan hidupku ke dalam tanganmu...
biarlah Engkau sendiri yang mengaturnya..
aku serahkan ya Tuhan...

Cassiopeia ジェジュン ~黄愛美~

2:19 AM

Oh My God!!!!

Oh My God!!!
Hari ini aku merasa benci sekali ama Jae Joong opha!!!!!!!
aku sama sekali tidak pernah menyangka kalau dia itu ternyata orang yang seperti itu!!!!
aku pikir dia itu baik, pengertian, dll...
TERNYATA............

hari ini aku masuk forum tvxqindo.com. di sana aku baca berita kalau Jae opha bakalan main dorama Jepang.
aku baca alur ceritanya di situ beserta tokoh - tokohnya dan peran mereka.
aku illfeel banget...
ternyata salah satu tokohnya itu berperan sebagai photographer porn!!!
bayangin!!!!
aku ga habis pikir kalau Jae opha bakalan mau terima tawaran itu!!!
terus tokoh ceweknya itu juga rasanya bermasalah..
mamanya menopouse sementara adiknya yang laki - laki sedang rehabilitasi dari narkoba...
aduh!!!!!!!
ini dorama kayanya genre buat dewasa deh.
ga mungkin lah dorama Jepang secara gamblangnya ngomong tentang menopuse dan tetek bengek nya?
aku ga tau mau ngomong apa..
yang pasti aku sedih banget..
kenapa Jae opha mau terima tawaran itu sih?
dorama yang lain banyak kan???

Jae opha...
aku meragukanmu..

aku ragu kalau kamu adalah tipe cowok yang setia..
aku ragu opha...

kamu ngeti ga sih perasaan cassie?
kita ingin kamu hidup yang bener...
ga kaya gini...

kalau begini caranya, mending aku mundur deh dari kehidupan cassie di luar sana..
selama ini aku setia banget ngikutin kamu dari awal sampai akhir.
karena kamu adalah inspirasi hidupku.
karena kamu yang telah membuat aku berubah.
kamu membuat aku menjadi cewek yang ga tomboy, yang halus, dan perhatian pada dirinya sendiri.
kamu udah ngerubah aku opha...
tapi sekarang kamu.....

ada lagi yang bikin aku illfeel
aku baca kalau opha bakal tampil di majalah ANAN.
Majalah Anan itu majalah cewek dewasa.
di sana ditampilin cowok2 yang nude...
illfeel deh...
udah banyak artis Jepang yang tampil di majalah ANAN itu...
sekarang opha mau tampil di majalah itu bahkan katanya opha bakalan nude di situ..
opha..
apa kamu ga sayang dengan dirimu sendiri?????
opha.. berita ini bikin aku illfeel banget..
opha...

dan yang terakhir. aku baca kalau animo cewek yang minta opha tampil di majalah itu tinggi banget...
opha...
apa hanya karena itu kamu mau tampil di majalah itu???

OPHA?????????

Cassiopeia ジェジュン ~黄愛美~

~~Wednesday, March 10, 2010~~

10:48 PM

I BELIEVE IN GOD

Well Well Well..
It's getting night but i don't want to sleep.
I want to spend my time this night playing computer.
Yeah,it's been a month for me not to open this blog.
Hm... i was very busy doing my assignments.
SO MANY ASSIGNMENTS!!!!!!!!!
Actually not many but i have to study more and more.
So boring actually but this is me, this is the way i am.
I want to make myself busy because if i didn't do it, i would feel lonely in my heart.
I have to study more and more.
This is my goal living in Surabaya as a university student.
This is what i am.
This is Me!!!
I HAVE TO STUDY!!!

Deep in my heart i want to stop all of my college's activities.
i want to rest.
i want to do things i want to do.
well,it seems like that i judge myself to work very hard but i have to.
i have to judge myself because if i didn't do it, i would be a lazy girl.
i would be someone useless in this world.
i don't want it...

i want to go around the world.
Deep in my heart, i still want to take Japanese programs.
i still want to take it.
But God has made different way for me.
He wanted me to take different program.
i don't know what His plan is for me.
i don't know if God would hear my voice.
i don't know if He would bless me.
I DON'T KNOW!!!!!!!!

Well, but Thank God, he makes me love the program i take.
He gives me many frends here, many friendly friends but sometimes i had a fire with them.
Thank God, You have given me a nice place for me to sleep at night, a nice place and a warm place, welcome place for me to live here, in Surabaya.
Thank God.
Now, it's my turn to return what God has given to me.
Now it's my turn to Love Him more and more since i used to be far away from Him,
especially when i knew that i couldn't take Japanese program.
at that time, i felt that God doesn't love. i felt that God hates me so much. but i am wrong.
He Loves me. He Loves me more that what i thought.
He Bless me everyday. He proves it.
He made me become the winner of ECW WRITING COMPETITION held on last March 2nd,2010.
I have never thought that i was the winner. You know? i didn't prepare my composition well. i got my idea early in the morning at 5 o'clock before i started my day. You know? there were many friends of mine who prepared their compostion long before the D - Day. then I?
i didn't prepare it!!!
It's a miracle for me, a big miracle from God for me that i could win the competition.
Thank God, thank for Your Mercy.

Cassiopeia ジェジュン ~黄愛美~

~~Tuesday, January 19, 2010~~

9:52 PM

Hi Friends!!

Welcome to My Blog

This blog is dedicated to all about me

Finally, I can create my own blog..

uhm, actually the design is created by Lovina..

Thank you lovi..

Love You.. ♥♥♥

Well, let me start with the introduction first.

My Name is Oei Indah Widjaja.

I have got my Chinese name,

黄愛美

You can call me Oei because I use that name as the username in internet.

I'm 19 years old this year cause this year is 2010.

yeah,I am getting old now.

I hope next time I can be a mature woman, not like a childish anymore.

I live in Surabaya, East Java now because i study there.

but sometimes i back to my lovely hometown,

(well, in the past i don't like my hometwon actually)

Kudus in Central Java.

I am very addicted to Language especially Japanese, Korean, and Mandarin.

I hope next time I can learn it cause i am learning English now.

Actually English is not as difficult as everyone think.

For me, if you can study hard, you can get a better mark.

well, talk about mark and grade, I want to say Thank You to

my Lovely Friend,now and Forever, my Lovely Father, Jesus Christ

for His blessing so that i can get 4 for my GPA. Thank Jesus.

I'm in my holiday now, between the first semester to the second semester.

This Holiday is also for The Christmas Holiday 2009 and New Year Holiday 2010.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!!

Thank Jesus,I can get almost one month for my Holiday. Thank God.

Well, back to my introduction.

I'm very addicted to Korean Star especially

Dong Bang Sin Ki (東方神起).

Other stars? Uhm, Super Junior (슈퍼주니어), SS501 (Do you know? One of this member acts as Yoon Ji Hoo윤지후 in Boys Before Flower 꽃보다 남자 . This drama is the Korean Version of Meteor Garden 流星花園 which have been very famous in 2000 maybe or if you don't know Meteor Garden, you can say it as the Korean Version of Hana Yori Dango 花より男子.

The member's name is Kim Hyun Joong. He is the leader of SS 501. Whoa!!! And do you know?

He is very close to DBSK's Hero Jae Joong!!!

So Lucky He is!!!)

Back to My Favourite Korean Star.

For the Male I like How L. Uhm, he sings many songs in Korean Drama. Perhaps Love is the first song from him that i listened to. Perhaps Love is the opening song of Korean Drama Princess Hours or Goong in 2006 (it's been a long time). In Perhaps Love he sang with J, the female. The song is very attractive for me.

The second song from him that i know is Love You.

Love You is the soundtrack for Boys Before Flower.

Love You

자l꾸 익숙한 향기 나네요

그댈 스쳤던 바람이

지금 내곁을 지나가나봐요

나의 가슴속에

그대만을 비추는 햇살인가봐요

아픈 상처까지 감싸주는걸요

Love U 그댈떠올리며 이제

다시 꼭 눈을 감죠

사랑해 그대 두눈 채울 수 있다면

사랑해 그대 내게 웃음 보여준다면

저기 별빛마져도 모두 가져다 줄텐데

사랑해 이런 내맘 전할 수 있다면

사랑해 그대 그맘 가르쳐 준다면

나 모두 닮아갈께요

Love U Love U Love U 영원히

그대 따라서 걷고있어요

저기 달빛 뒤에 숨어

그리 눈치 없으면

어떡해요

비라도 내리게

구름에게 또 한번 부탁할까요

젖은 그대 마음 안아 줄수 있게

Love U 그댈 떠올리며 이젠

다시 또 눈을 감죠

사랑해 그대 두눈 채울 수 있다면

사랑해 그대내게 웃음 보여준다면

저기 별빛마져도 모두 가져다 줄텐데

사랑해 이런 내맘 전할 수 있다면

사랑해 그대 그맘 가르쳐 준다면

나 모두 닮아갈께요

Love U Love U Love U 그대여

Ok, male singer again? I don't know. Later on if i have found other male singer, i will upload it to my blog. As you know, the moto for my blog is More Than Me so that i want to make this blog to be more than my self. I'll try my best to manage this blog as well as I can.

For the Female Singer. I think i have some.

1. Boa

2. 2NE1

3. F (X)

That's all about my favorite
Female Singer..

Ooppss.. i Forget to give you
Dong Bang Sin Ki's Pic..

Here you are:

Here comes my favorite member in TVXQ

1 Kim Jae Joong 김재중

Whoa?!!!! so many pictures of him...

Are You Bored?

Ok, NEXT Picture....

Click..

2. Kim Jun Su 김준수

Junsu sings everything Pictures, Images and Photos

3. Jung Yun Ho 정윤호

4. Park Yoo Chun 박유천

5. Shim Chang Min 심창민

Do you remember this kind of picture guys?

ahaa.. Dangerous Mind. This picture has taken while Dong Bang opha filming Dangerous Mind. What makes me laugh is Dangerous Mind tells about LOVE (사랑) between Yun Ho opha and Jae Joong opha.. ahaha...

Most of Cassies want the Yunjae opha become real, right?

I hope so..

Well.. all of Dong Bang Sin Ki member are my favorite member.

As a fan, i don't want to make a border between them.
I mean I don't want to say that just Kim Jae Joong is my favourite or Kim Junsu or something else.

I just want to make it easy, I Love them.

사랑해요 오빠

我爱你東方神起

愛してる

PEND

Well, it's already NIGHT!!!

I am sleepy.

i want to sleep.

Bye...

★ END ★

Labels: TVXQ

Cassiopeia ジェジュン ~黄愛美~